Confessions of a Pandemic Shopaholic



It's hard to explain the comfort that comes from scrolling through product pages, each piece that catches my eye sparks a tiny fantasy of the future it could hold. A creamy croc embossed leather bag tucked in the crook of my arm as I head out to meet a friend for coffee; oversized cat-eye sunglasses as I sunbathe on the beach; a white eyelet dress that I'm wearing while sipping a glass of rosé on a patio with a profusion of blue hydrangea surrounding it.

It hasn't seemed to matter how many times I tell myself I need to stop shopping, I am always back, like a moth to a flame with a million ways to rationalize my purchases. Either I'm 'just browsing' and will inevitably return what I've bought, it's a 'necessity', like comfy lace bralettes, cozy loungewear, or cute face masks, and of course, the biggest of them all: 'it's such a good deal, how do I not?'

At the retailers where I typically shop, the pandemic brought forth such a copious amount of sales, it was hard to avoid temptation. Even as I purged my email subscriptions, Instagram was always there at the ready to remind me of promotions like half off plus an extra 20% (!) $70 off a purchase of $100 (!!) with free shipping and returns (!!!)

I clicked away, endlessly dreaming about places I would walk in my new shoes, how the sunlight might glint off a gold ring, straw bags full with fresh blooms from the farmers market, savoring an ice cream cone in a linen dress, being oh-so-careful not to let a drop of chocolate fall.

I'm not going to write some resolve to stop shopping, because at this point, I know it would simply be a lie. Not when I can slip into the zen of hearting new arrivals at TJMaxx and Marshalls while I lie in bed at 1 a.m. How else would I happen upon this dress or these shoes, or this bag? Besides, there is already another TJMaxx order on its way.



Rewardstyle is currently not active with TJMaxx and Marshalls, so I had to find other sources for the sake of this widget - just know that you should look for them there for the prices noted.
 
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The Rundown
Satin Wrap Blouse Banana Republic
Jeans "Tomboy" M.i.h similar
Mule Sandals Zara similar
Springbok Clutch similar
Pearl Earrings TJMaxx similar
Gold Rings Etsy
Sunglasses "Meteor" Ray-Ban c/o TJMaxx
Nail Color "Just the way you Arctic" Essie


Waiting over here, for life to begin

Halfway through 2020 and I still feel like life has stopped. I need to accept that I need to stop waiting for things to go back to normal, because I might be waiting for a long time. The days come and go with little to mark their passing, and while my voracious shopping habits haven't quelled, the days I bother to get dressed have become few and far between.

While I've been missing blogging, it's become so difficult to find words I want to share; it's taken four days just to write as many sentences. How do I blog about life when I feel as though mine has been put on hold? How do I talk about my absurd shopping habits when I know full well I shouldn't be shopping at all?

I wish I had something to say about this outfit, but these photos were taken in mid-May, and I can't recall a single detail about this day, which probably means I got dressed for photos and little else. I can say this is the first time I've worn these pants, which I purchased last summer. I think I need to stop shopping for the office job I haven't had in three years.

Each day provides an opportunity to walk a new path, instead of the well trodden one that never takes me where I want to go. I just need to start taking steps.

 black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-11.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-3.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-9.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-6.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-14.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-8.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-10.jpg black puff sleeve top, tan wide leg cropped trousers, black sandals, straw box bag-7.jpg
The Rundown
Linen Puff Sleeve Top H&M
Marina Pant Ann Taylor
Strappy Slide Sandals Zara similar
Straw Box Bag Zara similar
Gold Necklace Belonged to my Grandma similar
Gold Twist Hoops Thrifted similar
Gold Rings Etsy
Sunglasses H&M similar


Remember Kindness

In my life I am largely silent. I'm afraid of my thoughts and feelings being perceived as, or revealed to be incorrect, and prefer to say nothing rather than face that fear.  Often times when discussions of politics are brought up, I state that I can't participate as I don't know enough about the issues and policies. The solution to the problem isn't staying silent, it's taking the time to educate myself, so that I can form an opinion, so that I can be involved with things that matter.

It wouldn't be an understatement to say that I've lived my life inside a bubble, and since the quarantine started, I've allowed that bubble to shrink even further. I haven't read a book, listened to a podcast, socialized outside of my immediate family, and withdrawn from this space and community.

I've taken in current events through the lens of Instagram, and felt ashamed at how little diversity I've curated on my own feed (the Instagram algorithm can't be blamed for this either, my explore page is 99% photos and videos of dogs). Though it did bring this thought to the forefront of my mind, the internet has leveled the playing field, we are no longer relying on magazine editors or Hollywood producers to decide who we see. We choose the Bloggers, YouTubers, and Instagram accounts we follow. We get to pick the people who we want to have influence over our lives. We can make different choices.

It's my responsibility to not continue to to be passive, though from what I've seen spoken by others who may feel similarly, I want to remind you to be kind. To yourself, to others; we are all learning and growing, foster that growth with kindness.
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The Rundown
Camel Wrap Sweater Amazon
White Jeans Gap
Nude Pumps "Natalie" Naturalizer
Tortoise Acrylic Bamboo Bag  Rachel Roy via TJMaxx
Gold Ball Stud Earrings Kohl's
Fresh Water Pearl Necklace S.V. Decker
Thin Gold Ring Etsy via Ellyn Blue Jewelry
Gold Ring Vintage via Etsy
Sunglasses Ray-Ban via TJMaxx


May Budget



Joie Mckenna Silk Blouse, $42 via ThredUP
H&M Rib Knit Pants, $18
H&M Linen Top, $25
Ray-Ban Sunglasses, $60 via TJMaxx
Ann Taylor Factory Leopard Print Wrap Dress, $24
Joie Parsin Sandals, $45 via DSW
Rachel Roy Tortoise Bamboo Bag, $40 via TJMaxx
Banana Republic Rib Knit Bodysuit, $13
Chic Wish Fringe Midi Skirt, $40
Joie Tariana Blouse, $60
Joie Eloisa Sweater, $28 via ThredUP

Routines

I miss routines. I miss knowing what day of the week it is without having to look at my phone. I miss yoga class, Starbucks runs, and TJMaxx. I miss seeing my friends, and I miss being in this space. I don't know how all these weeks have just drifted away, a blur of watching the world shutdown, not leaving the house, and perpetually waiting for a tomorrow when things will be better.

Businesses are starting to open up again, but what has actually changed? The same risk associated with going out into the world is still there. I may have ordered some cute masks, but that wont make eating at a restaurant any safer. Will I be able to find an outdoor social distancing yoga class, or will I just continue to be left to my own devices, which in short, are not good.

Will attempting to be out in the world, shopping, dining, exercising, be more stressful than satisfying?

I feel like the last three months have just been lost. Can I stand to lose another?

 cream cashmere sweater, rust pleated midi skirt, leopard clutch. bone heels-10.jpg cream cashmere sweater, rust pleated midi skirt, leopard clutch. bone heels-13.jpg cream cashmere sweater, rust pleated midi skirt, leopard clutch. bone heels-5.jpg cream cashmere sweater, rust pleated midi skirt, leopard clutch. bone heels-14.jpg cream cashmere sweater, rust pleated midi skirt, leopard clutch. bone heels-7.jpg cream cashmere sweater, rust pleated midi skirt, leopard clutch. bone heels-9.jpg
The Rundown
Cream Cashmere Sweater Nordstrom similar
Rust Pleated Midi Skirt Banana Republic
Kitten Heels "Moxie" c/o SAS
Leopard Clutch Clare V c/o Shopbop
 Earrings Thrifted
Gold Rope Chain Necklace Thrifted similar
Thin Gold Ring Etsy via Ellyn Blue Jewelry



The Importance of Getting Dressed

While it seems like the end of quarantine as we know it is finally within view, I imagine the reopening will be a slow process, and changes to our day to day lives will likely be small at first. Over these last two months I haven't gotten fully dressed too often, but I at least embraced the routine of getting dressed, moving from nighttime pajamas into daytime pajamas (or loungewear, if you prefer).

Over the weekend I had a slip up; I stayed in my nighttime pajamas all day, and suffered dearly for it. The day started off well enough, I cooked soufflĂ© pancakes for a Mother's Day brunch, with every intention of getting dressed before eating, but the process was slow and the shelf of the pancakes extremely short, so by the time we were ready to eat at noon, it felt like the window had passed and I might as well not bother changing. The combination of pajamas and mimosas resulted in a sloth-like existence for the rest of the day, later accompanied by a myriad of aches; head, stomach, back. In a futile attempt to reverse the damage, I chose a short yoga flow from YouTube at random, took a shower, and changed into a fresh pair of pajamas. Sadly, it was too late, my headache got worse before it got better, and my sister is mad at me for falling asleep five minutes into the episode of "Dead to Me" she'd put on. 

The moral of the story is of course, to just get dressed. It's more the action than what is put on, and I have no excuse as I've added several new loungewear pieces to my collection these last few weeks. Also ordering more Cosabella bralettes, because I tried it, and underwire is just not happening right now.

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The Rundown
Floral Midi Dress H&M similar
Sandals Manolo Blahnik via Coco's on the Green
Caned Bag Vintage similar
Woven Leather Belt Thrifted similar
Gold Rectangle Chain Necklace Etsy
Earrings Thrifted similar
Rings Vintage via Etsy
Sunglasses "Meteor" Ray-Ban c/o TJMaxx
Nail Color "Just the way you Arctic" Essie


Magnoila


Some days, despite the heaviness of quarantine, I can still feel the hopefulness of spring. The reminder that things will get better and life doesn't have to only be doom and gloom. Though to be fair, there are plenty of those days; when I get an email about yet another event being canceled, when I try to buy hand sanitizer but the only place it's in stock is eBay for double the retail price, when it's cold and raw and raining for days on end...

But then there are the other days. When the sun comes out, when I look out my bedroom window and see the cherry blossom tree in full bloom, when I get packages in the mail, even if they contain boring things like shampoo and deodorant, (but you know there are enough 'fun' packages ending up on my porch too). Sometimes positive thoughts come into my mind and they get to linger for a few minutes before the negative ones overtake them. Sometimes I scroll though my spring blog posts from all the years past and revel in the comfort that the flowers always arrive, the world turns green, and eventually the cold fades away.

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The Rundown
White Ruffle Sleeve Sweater Sara Campbell via Coco's on the Green
Gingham Pants Old Navy
Pointed Flats Rothy's
Black Straw Box Bag Zara similar
Aries Pendant Necklace Mejuri
 Gold Bracelets The Cavernous Jewelry Box
Midi Stackable Diamond Ring c/o AUrate New York
Thin Gold Ring Etsy via Ellyn Blue Jewelry
Sunglasses "Meteor" Ray-Ban c/o TJMaxx