Empty spaces. We've always had them, only now they are more predominant, more pronounced. The businesses which shuttered, leaving behind little more than a paper sign in the window, sitting vacant for years - I fear for the ones remaining with their doors temporarily closed, that temporary doesn't turn into forever.
I think about the empty spaces in my life, the ones caused by this pandemic, and the preexisting ones it has exacerbated. Longing for simple things like coffee dates with friends, and greater things like wanting to fill my days with purpose, futile as it seems at the moment.
I don't want to get back to my normal, I want something more; a life that feels lived.
The Rundown
Camel Sweater Banana Republic via Consignment Originals Wide Leg Denim Pants Ann Taylor similar Tan LoafersFranco Sartovia DSW Straw Bag with Bamboo Handles Thifted similar Leopard Silk ScarfAnn Taylor Pearl Hoop Earrings c/o Mejuri Necklace Thrifted Midi Stackable Diamond Ring c/o AUrate New York Thin Gold RingEtsyvia Ellyn Blue Jewelry Sunglasses "Meteor"Ray-Ban c/o TJMaxx
I started off 2019 essentially running away from life, or at least trying to, by jetting off to Los Angeles to spend time with my sister, escape the Connecticut winter, distance myself from my disheartening job search, and focus my energies on growing the blog.
Needless to say, I did not succeed in running away from anything, except maybe winter, though Los Angeles still proved to be wet and grey, just 20° warmer. I applied to a handful of jobs in LA, I heard back from none. Blog growth crept along as slowly as it always has, though it was delightful to be able to photograph spring outfits in January without risking hypothermia. Perhaps I came home too soon - to a snow storm in early March - or perhaps it was foolish to think that going to California would change anything. I packed all my problems up with me, no wonder my luggage was overweight.
The remainder of the year was spent trying, or intending to try, and do things differently. I still need to do a lot of work, I still need to find the strength to make changes, to work through my fears, and discover where I can find happiness. I hope this year I can get a little bit closer.
The Rundown Camel Wrap SweaterAmazon Jeans Banana Republic similar Tan LoafersFranco Sartovia DSW Vintage Beaded Bag Anna Pearl's Curiosities similar Pearl Hoop Earrings c/o Mejuri Thin Gold RingEtsyvia Ellyn Blue Jewelry Necklace TJMaxx similar Sunglasses "Meteor"Ray-Ban c/o TJMaxx Nail Color "Bordeaux"Essie
I chopped another inch off the hem of these jeans. In reviewing these photos I'm pretty sure I stand by that decision, though it looks like more than an inch when I compare them to the photos of the last time I wore them. I swear I did measure.
I also proceeded to style them in a nearly identical manner; slim fitting top tucked in for the full effect of the high waist, flat loafers, coat in a shade of brown, same bag.
There is comfort in styling things in similar ways, it worked before, therefore it should work again. While it's fun to browse Pinterest and look to others for new ways to style my pieces, it's much easier to look to my own archives.
As much as I thought being in a different climate for winter would break me of my winter dressing habits, it has not. While I try to keep things on the blog varied and colorful, what I post is mostly what I'm wearing on the weekends, while on the weekdays I stick to the timeless combination of jeans, top, and jacket.
When I started this blog I wanted to be the girl who wears heels to the grocery store, and admittedly, occasionally I am. But now that I'm older and wiser, while I know nothing will replace how great a pair of heels can make an outfit look, I'd much prefer to do my grocery shopping in flats. The blog alone used to motivate me to always be putting in the extra effort into getting dressed each day; now some days I go to yoga in the morning and never get out of the leggings.
When I was packing for this trip I was so terribly aspirational. I don't know where I thought I'd be wearing all those outfits, but I had visions of so many looks and photo shoots. I fear I will be bringing home a lot of unworn or under utilized pieces, as most days, it's jeans, a top, and a jacket for me.
The Rundown Swiss Dot Blouse Ann Taylor similar Plaid Blazer H&M similar JeansBanana Republic Leopard LoafersFranco Sarto via TJMaxx similar Black Straw BagZara Circle Earrings c/o AUrate New York Evil Eye Necklace c/o Belcho similar Bracelet The Cavernous Jewelry Box Thin Gold RingEtsyvia Ellyn Blue Jewelry Sunglasses "Meteor"Ray-Ban c/o TJMaxx
When the sun is high in the afternoons, it almost feels like summer, and though I need an extra layer for the rest of the day, it's nice to enjoy it while I can. Plus I was wearing my field jacket again and first, I wasn't 100% sure I liked the double green, while second, it was in yesterday's post. So just bear with me and pretend it was that warm the whole day.
This weekend I'm finally going to visit The Broad Museum, which is home to the Infinity Mirrors installation. I booked the tickets shortly after arriving in Los Angeles and this was how far out the weekends were booked!
While it looks like it's going to be another very rainy week ahead, I'm holding out hope for the sun this weekend.
