I almost didn't get this post up. I know I haven't been around much these past few months, and while I wish I could blame it on the weather (though single digit temps don't help) it really just comes down to me, and the low I've been going through.
It's not easy to talk about the low points, especially in this space, where there is an imagined pressure to only ever be positive. I don't talk about my depression or anxiety, and when self doubt is addressed, it's usually in the self-deprecating-but-trying-to-be-funny kind of way.
Normally in this post I would look though all the posts of this past year and choose my favorites for each month. My best outfits, fun places visited, good times that make me smile. But when I looked back at 2017 I felt like all I saw were fake smiles hiding discomfort and uncertainty.
Back in September Sean and I broke up, and I've since moved back in with my parents as I can't afford anywhere else. After living together for two years I told him I wanted to get engaged, he told me he did not. So I'm back at square one and have been taking a break from trying to smile even though I'm sad.
I forgot I'd normally be posting my closet additions for the month
today, and while I wish I could say I was good this month and didn't buy
anything, that is quite to the contrary. I followed the classic holiday
shopping rule of buying a gift and then also getting something for
myself. I started with the
cozy Loft sweater, then some
satin pants from Ann Taylor (half off and free shipping is hard to ignore).
Furry loafers at Target, a pair of
earrings from Mejuri, and to top it off, $60
blue and white ornaments from Williams Sonoma.
I kind of want to say 'good riddance' to 2017 but I suppose the year wasn't all bad. Certainly not the year I'd wanted or hoped for, but at the end of the day, it was the year I created.
I don't know what 2018 will bring for me or for the blog. Maybe I'll start being more honest instead of only sharing the positive, but hopefully from here things can only go up.